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But it’s not cool to pay lip service to intentions of growing a serious, long-term relationship and from the onset demote your lover to second-rank — even before you message her on

Women are certainly guilty of putting their kids ahead of their partner — maybe even more so than men, especially since they are nearly always the primary care giver in the event of divorce.

Ultimately, failure to put their partner first was a sign these guys were not ready for a serious relationship, or at least not with those particular women, and that is totally normal.

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A couple years ago, a guy I went out with read my blog before we went out, and mulled my opinions on putting your kids behind your romantic partner.

Over cajun food he described what sounds like a remarkably happy suburban childhood headed by parents who enjoyed a 40-year marriage, five kids and two successful careers. It is his face that inspires in me paroxysms of infatuated devotion. In other words, how do you create space for for a potential relationship when kids can be so all-consuming? If you are like the professional moms I know, the pendulum swings way in the other direction — and you’re far more likely to neglect yourself.

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But in this moment when men are struggling to claim their place as equal parents while society expects divorced dads to be the lackadaisical weekend father, I get why you are compelled to go overboard with your expressed devotion. If you are indeed ready for a real love, create a space for her.

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